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孩子,我祝福你拥有不幸和痛苦

来源:家长帮广州站   作者:@鸣笑笑   2017-07-14 15:33:19    标签:家庭教育 经验分享

  每年到毕业季,你是否会被各类毕业宣言和名人演讲激励到热血沸腾?

  不过,上个月美国最高法院首席大法官Roberts,却在他儿子的初中毕业典礼上煲了一锅毕业”毒鸡汤“:我祝福你拥有痛苦和不幸......

  一时间在网络上被疯传,引得媒体和网友纷纷点赞,大呼过瘾!

  他究竟说了些什么?

  美国当地时间7月3日,《华盛顿邮报》放出了一个约翰·罗伯茨在卡迪根山中学(Cardigan Mountain School)的毕业演讲视频,迅速引发关注,《泰晤士报》等随后也进行了报道。

  《华盛顿邮报》的评价是:“首席大法官Roberts在刚刚结束的一期里,写了8份意见书和2份反对意见,但没有一份比他在一个雨天学校里的毕业演讲更有意义。”

  作为美国联邦最高法院第17任首席大法官,同时也是美国两个世纪以来最年轻的首席大法官,约翰·罗伯茨(John G. Roberts Jr)在美国自上任以来便一直享有很高的社会地位。

  但是,Joon此次出席卡迪根山中学的毕业演讲,却不仅是作为成就斐然的首席大法官,而是作为一个普通的父亲,参加自己16岁儿子杰克的毕业典礼。

  罗伯茨与妻子简妮膝下有一子一女。两个孩子虽然都是领养,但备受宠爱。2005年,罗伯茨被小布什提名为首席大法官。提名决定被安排在美国各大电视网“黄金时间”直播。总统宣布提名时,罗伯茨时年4岁的小儿子杰克突然出来“砸场子”,在镜头前手舞足蹈,嗨到忘形。小布什和罗伯茨强作镇定,装作什么也没发生。还是简妮冲上去把儿子揽到身后。

  第二天,“跳舞”视频传遍全美,大家纷纷猜测这是霹雳舞还是什么新奇舞步。《美国邮报》调侃说:“小伙子,干嘛这么兴奋?你爹还没得到这份工作呢!”后来,还是成功出任首席大法官的老爸揭秘:“他跳得不是舞蹈,只是在模仿蜘蛛侠用手‘嗖嗖嗖’发射蜘蛛网罢了。”

  Roberts演讲现场视频(节选)。

  12年过去,少年“蜘蛛侠”即将从位于新罕布什尔州的卡迪根山中学(Cardigan Mountain School)毕业。7月3日,毕业典礼请来首席大法官罗伯茨致辞。

  不同于普通致辞者,罗伯茨对孩子们的未来,却发出让人大跌眼镜的祝福和建议。

  演讲一开始,他便要求在座的学生站起来,为自己的父母——那些辛勤付出的幕后支持者,鼓掌致谢。

  在常规性的祝贺——2017级的学生们,你们已经度过了人生里程碑式的一站,祝贺你们!——之后,他突然话锋一转,开启毒舌模式:

  毕业典礼的致辞者通常会祝你们好运并送上祝福。我不打算这样做,原因如下:

  我希望你们在未来岁月中,不时遭遇不公对待,这样才会理解公正的价值所在。

  愿你们尝到背叛滋味,这会教你们领悟忠诚之重要。

  抱歉,我还希望你们时常会有孤独感,这样才不会将良朋挚友视为理所当然。

  愿你们偶尔运气不佳,这样才会意识到机遇在人生中的地位,进而理解你们的成功并非命中注定,别人的失败也不是天经地义。

  当你们偶尔遭遇失败时,愿你们受到对手幸灾乐祸的嘲弄,这才会让你们理解体育精神的重要性。

  愿你们偶尔被人忽视,这样才能学会倾听;感受到切肤之痛,才能对别人有同情的理解。

  无论我怎么想,这些迟早会来临。而你们能否从中获益,取决于能否参透人生苦难传递的信息。

  关于人生,他说:

  古希腊哲学家苏格拉底曾说:“未经检验的人生是不值得活的。”有些时候,“just do it”可能是个很有道理的人生格言,但是,在试图找到你该如何度过未来的人生时,这句话并无价值。当你完全不考虑自己的人生价值时,你不可能找到自己到底是谁。

  “毕业典礼的致辞者习惯给出很多建议。……最常见的建议是‘做自己’。但你得明白其中真意。如果你并非足够完美,就必须作出改变。这时,你就不能光想着做自己,必须不断自我完善。

  别人说‘做自己’,是希望你抵制按他人意愿随波逐流的冲动。但如果连你都不知道自己要成为什么样的人,是不可能‘做自己’的,而如果不思考这些,你也不可能知道自己想成为什么样的人。”

  之后,他给即将升入高中的学生们提了几点小建议。首先一条,他说“当你到了新学校后,见到那些扫地的、铲雪的、倒垃圾的人,请你们走上去,介绍自己,也请教对方的名字。记住这些名字,在学校里遇到他们,称呼他们的名字。”

  演讲最后,他为毕业生深情朗读了美国艺术家鲍勃·迪伦的《永远年轻》,以表达自己对毕业生,也是作为他家长本身,对自己孩子的深切期望。

  “下面,我将以一段著名歌词结束我的致辞。刚才,我引用了希腊哲人苏格拉底的名言。而这些歌词,则来自伟大的美国哲人,鲍勃·迪伦。

  这些歌词已有50年历史,是迪伦当年巡回演出期间,思子心切,写给儿子杰西的。歌词表达了家长对子女的美好期盼,这些期盼是美好的、永恒的,也是普世的。……这就是鲍勃·迪伦的《永远年轻》:

  ‘愿上帝庇佑,护你前路;愿你美梦均可成真;愿你与人为善,相互扶持;愿你建成通往群星的天梯;稳妥沿它而上;愿你永远年轻;愿你成为正直之人;愿你成就真实自我;愿你永远感知真理,看向身边无尽光明;愿你勇敢无惧,坚强可靠;愿你永远年轻,拥有纯洁之心;愿你双手永远忙碌,愿你脚步永远轻盈;在变故横生之时,愿你根基牢靠;愿你心中永远充满快乐,愿你的歌声永远嘹亮;愿你永远年轻。’谢谢大家!”

  约翰·罗伯茨在卡迪根山中学的演讲全文

  Thank you very much.

  Rain, somebody said, is like confetti from heaven. So even the heavens are celebrating this morning, joining the rest of us at this wonderful commencement ceremony.

  Before we go any further, graduates, you have an important task to perform because behind you are your parents and guardians. Two or three or four years ago, they drove into Cardigan, dropped you off, helped you get settled and then turned around and drove back out the gates. It was an extraordinary sacrifice for them. They drove down the trail of tears back to an emptier and lonelier house. They did that because the decision about your education, they knew, was about you. It was not about them. That sacrifice and others they made have brought you to this point. But this morning is not just about you. It is also about them, so I hope you will stand up and turn around and give them a great round of applause. Please.

  Now when somebody asks me how the remarks at Cardigan went, I will be able to say they were interrupted by applause. Congratulations, class of 2017. You’ve reached an important milestone. An important stage of your life is behind you. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you it is the easiest stage of your life, but it is in the books. While you’ve been at Cardigan, you have all been a part of an important international community as well. And I think that needs to be particularly recognized.

  [Roberts gave brief remarks in other languages.]

  Now around the country today at colleges, high schools, middle schools, commencement speakers are standing before impatient graduates. And they are almost always saying the same things. They will say that today is a commencement exercise. ‘It is a beginning, not an end. You should look forward.’ And I think that is true enough, however, I think if you’re going to look forward to figure out where you’re going, it’s good to know where you’ve been and to look back as well. And I think if you look back to your first afternoon here at Cardigan, perhaps you will recall that you were lonely. Perhaps you will recall that you were a little scared, a little anxious. And now look at you. You are surrounded by friends that you call brothers, and you are confident in facing the next step in your education.

  It is worth trying to think why that is so. And when you do, I think you may appreciate that it was because of the support of your classmates in the classroom, on the athletic field and in the dorms. And as far as the confidence goes, I think you will appreciate that it is not because you succeeded at everything you did, but because with the help of your friends, you were not afraid to fail. And if you did fail, you got up and tried again. And if you failed again, you got up and tried again. And if you failed again, it might be time to think about doing something else. But it was not just success, but not being afraid to fail that brought you to this point.

  Now the commencement speakers will typically also wish you good luck and extend good wishes to you. I will not do that, and I’ll tell you why. From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted.I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either. And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship. I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion.

  Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.

  Now commencement speakers are also expected to give some advice. They give grand advice, and they give some useful tips. The most common grand advice they give is for you to be yourself. It is an odd piece of advice to give people dressed identically, but you should — you should be yourself. But you should understand what that means. Unless you are perfect, it does not mean don’t make any changes. In a certain sense, you should not be yourself. You should try to become something better. People say ‘be yourself’ because they want you to resist the impulse to conform to what others want you to be. But you can’t be yourself if you don't learn who are, and you can’t learn who you are unless you think about it. The Greek philosopher Socrates said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ And while ‘just do it’ might be a good motto for some things, it’s not a good motto when it’s trying to figure out how to live your life that is before you. And one important clue to living a good life is to not to try to live the good life. The best way to lose the values that are central to who you are is frankly not to think about them at all. So that’s the deep advice.

  Now some tips as you get ready to go to your new school. Other the last couple of years, I have gotten to know many of you young men pretty well, and I know you are good guys. But you are also privileged young men. And if you weren’t privileged when you came here, you are privileged now because you have been here. My advice is: Don’t act like it. When you get to your new school, walk up and introduce yourself to the person who is raking the leaves, shoveling the snow or emptying the trash. Learn their name and call them by their name during your time at the school.

  Another piece of advice: When you pass by people you don’t recognize on the walks, smile, look them in the eye and say hello. The worst thing that will happen is that you will become known as the young man who smiles and says hello, and that is not a bad thing to start with.You’ve been at a school with just boys. Most of you will be going to a school with girls. I have no advice for you. The last bit of advice I’ll give you is very simple, but I think it could make a big difference in your life. Once a week, you should write a note to someone. Not an email. A note on a piece of paper. It will take you exactly 10 minutes. Talk to an adult, let them tell you what a stamp is. You can put the stamp on the envelope. Again, 10 minutes, once a week. I will help you, right now. I will dictate to you the first note you should write. It will say, ‘Dear [fill in the name of a teacher at Cardigan Mountain School].’ Say: ‘I have started at this new school. We are reading [blank] in English. Football or soccer practice is hard, but I’m enjoying it. Thank you for teaching me.’ Put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and send it. It will mean a great deal to people who — for reasons most of us cannot contemplate — have dedicated themselves to teaching middle school boys. As I said, that will take you exactly 10 minutes a week. By the end of the school year, you will have sent notes to 40 people. Forty people will feel a little more special because you did, and they will think you are very special because of what you did. No one else is going to carry that dividend during your time at school.

  Enough advice. I would like to end by reading some important lyrics. I cited the Greek philosopher Socrates earlier. These lyrics are from the great American philosopher, Bob Dylan. They’re almost 50 years old. He wrote them for his son, Jesse, who he was missing while he was on tour. It lists the hopes that a parent might have for a son and for a daughter. They’re also good goals for a son and a daughter. The wishes are beautiful, they’re timeless. They’re universal. They’re good and true, except for one: It is the wish that gives the song its title and its refrain. That wish is a parent’s lament. It’s not a good wish. So these are the lyrics from Forever Young by Bob Dylan:

  May God bless you and keep you always May your wishes all come true May you always do for others And let others do for you May you build a ladder to the stars And climb on every rung And may you stay forever young May you grow up to be righteous May you grow up to be true May you always know the truth And see the lights surrounding you May you always be courageous Stand upright and be strong And may you stay forever young May your hands always be busy May your feet always be swift May you have a strong foundation When the winds of changes shift May your heart always be joyful May your song always be sung And may you stay forever young.

  Thank you.

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